I fell in love on social media

There has never been any less interest in romantic love than there was in me back in 2017. You would not have found anyone more cynical and sarcastic than I was about literally everything around me. I created, for myself and others, the illusion that I was scoffing at the world for not being good enough for me while deep down, I hated every last waking moment of loneliness. I had a reputation to uphold, though, and I held strong to my disassociation. Everyone loved me for not caring and I loved them eating up my harsh words and bad attitude. Their admiration was feeding me like a hungry animal in a zoo cage, desperate for the customers to toss a few pieces of bread.

If anyone enjoys rebellion, it’s me, and it was massively rebellious to reject the idea of relationships while everyone around me was happily married or partnered in some fashion. Societal norms dictate that a relationship is what you need to find to be happy and successful, and telling society “no” with a giant middle finger in the air felt fantastic.

My persona held strong after experiencing some personal loss and traumatic events, and I utilized my pain as fuel to the fires of despising humanity and anything that appeared to be good about it. It kept me going, but it didn’t allow me to truly live.